Sometimes I feel like I live in the past. Like I don't want to accept the reality of my present age, my responsibilities, or leave the past behind. Maybe it's because life was easier before I had to work, pay bills, and make important decisions. Maybe it's because I miss my friends from Naperville and Florida Southern. Maybe it's because my family was so much closer together then. I guess it's really all those things.
This summer I got to show Dakota my hometown and a city I love. She got to experience the beauty of downtown Naperville...the special things it has to offer that you don't realize while you are growing up there. I got to share some of the best places in Chicago, views from the Sears Tower, the ocean life at Shedd Aquarium, the pizza and hotdogs. I even got to spend some time with my brother, Jamie, and some high school friends, Tami and Sara. There were some things D couldn't "see". She didn't get to experience hanging out at night in the southside of Chicago with "the boys", a Cubs game on senior ditch day, the schools where my education began, cruising past the houses of the boys I liked, or hanging out in the basements with my closest friends doing nothing but laughing. I guess she will have memories like those some day...just memories made in a different place.
The first time I moved, it was to college. It seemed like a million miles away from my home in IL. Florida Southern was smaller than my high school and had more rules than my parents did. If it wasn't for my friends I made there, I would have left. Luckily, I had great people in my freshman dorm, and I joined Kappa Delta and over night had so many sisters. Walks around Lake Hollingsworth, sneaking some jewels from Annie Pfeiffer, trips to layout at Disney hotels, sitting in the lobby watching TV, learning to appreciate and love people who I may not have gotten to know if it weren't for KD. All these memories, and so many more...
Then I moved on to life after college. Moving in with Jen in our first adult housing, getting a job where I hated every minute of my first year teaching, meeting Ron and feeling like I was finally whole. Getting married, moving to North Carolina, and growing up. Looking back and appreciating the first year I taught because I grew up quickly and learned strategies to reach kids without any family support, few resources, and a fairly unsupportive administration. Now, luckily, I can say I work with many talented teachers, kids who care, and parents who support their children. On rough days I sit and thank my lucky stars I got to move on in my teaching career.
At night when I choose to watch TV, I end up watching things like 90210, Felicity, Friends...Last night I was watching Stand by Me. I cried at the end when he said, "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" While this is somewhat true, I am so lucky to have some awesome friends and wonderful family that I gained later in life. Friends and family who make me want to live in the present. Friends and family who make me smile when I am sad or share a hug when I need one. Friends and family who know me better than I know myself. So for now, I guess I'll stay right here.
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